The Armchair Traveler - Kazakhstan

Why not go somewhere you’ve never heard of, where nobody speaks your language, where freedom of the press doesn’t exist and corruption is a way of life? After all, you don’t need special vaccines, a visa lasts five years and the bizarre costume dress they wear might be the thing your wardrobe is missing. I’m talking about the Republic of Kazakhstan.

Anyone remember Borat? He was from Kazakhstan.

Kazakhstan is where apples originate from, so there are still wild apple forests throughout the country and along the slopes of the Tien Shan mountain range, which borders China. Once upon a time the apple forests reached so far they stretched right down into the city of Almaty, an area greater than five hundred square miles. Almaty, as any resident will proudly tell you, derives its name from the Kazakh Alma-Ata – the fatherland of the apple. Apples are sold everywhere from roadsides to shops to train stations.

Maybe Kazakhstan is the country to visit if you’re on a diet. Just eat apples.

But don’t plan on visiting in the winter because the temperature drops to -40 degrees Fahrenheit. For those of you who like diversity, don’t worry. It’s diverse. Stalin saw to that when he deported massive ethnic populations out of Russia in the 1930’s. So whatever group you belong to, you’re bound to find people there you can relate to, even if you can’t understand what they’re saying. There are over 130 ethnic groups living in Kazakhstan.

They used to belong to the Soviet Union so all you need to communicate is a Russian phrasebook.

The country is nominally Muslim, but from what I’ve read there aren’t many outward signs of this. Mosques are rarely seen or heard. The years of Soviet rule, when religion was basically illegal, has diluted its importance in the country as a whole.

The juxtaposition of Astana, its science fiction-like capital (pictured above), and the surrounding steppe with very few villages around it for miles and miles (MOST of the country is extremely flat and barren), is a little like having Las Vegas in the middle of the desert. The primary city is Almaty, with about 1.5 million people and modern conveniences, including a metro system. But as long as you have the extra cash to pay the police who are guaranteed to bribe you along the way, rent a car. Just don’t expect anyone to follow traffic laws.

Then again if you drive across country there probably won’t be too many road signs. It takes forty-six hours to go from the Almaty International Airport to the Aktau Hotel on the Caspian Sea. The route through Uzbekistan only takes forty-one hours. So it’s up to you. But I wouldn’t try to drive it straight through. Especially if you’re by yourself. They don’t have too many coffee shops along the way. They don’t even have many hotels. So by the time you reach Aktau you'll be really happy.

The tourist industry in Kazakhstan is in its infancy, so there aren’t many knick-knacks to buy, no Kazakhstan t-shirts, and as one traveler puts it, “not a postcard to be seen.” Listen, if you are looking for an authentic, unusual experience, I say go. Especially if you don’t have anywhere to be for the next six months in case something goes horribly wrong.